I don't even know!

Thank God uploading a video takes forever and I only have a few minutes. That's why I'm writing a post instead, that's why you won't see me crying. I'm not actually crying - that's the worst part - I always hold it in. I get teary, like I'm about to burst and I just choke. I try to please too many people, I end up not pleasing a lot of you and most of all not myself. It's such a long journey to find yourself when your first certainty is that you're light-years away from most people, light-years away from what you're expected to be. Because I often take the time to think, to pause, to ask myself questions, to actually listen to what y'all have to say, I've noticed that most of you decide to squeeze in and add your little something extra to my life. That's very thoughtful of you, but mind your own business, unless I ask you. Funny... it's always when I don't that you just ramble on about what I "should" do for my own sake. My own sake? Fuck you, you selfish narcissist! I'll tell you who I wanna be: not the perfect ideal you have in store "for my sake" but my own fucking dream come true. Oh, and no, I won't cut my hair short. Shove THAT up your ass and fuck it, won't ya.

Now, to the rest of you who are genuinely nice, loving people who just let me be or even make me a better person, sorry 'bout the foul language (that's what comes out instead of tears).